_______________Only those who never gives up gets to see a miracle______

Sunday, July 26, 2009
7/26/2009 11:57:00 PM

My heart hurts.. so much... it's bleeding so much...

borrowed $50 from mum a couple of days ago.. so that i could spend it on her on the 25th...
Stupid? maybe.. i dunno.. didn't have enough money to send her flowers yea.. but at least the 50 bucks was enough to send her to work and have lunch with her...

dont tink she remembers yesterday was our 2mth anniversary... ha.. 2mths would be just a joke to her.. doubt she even remembers what day it is...
I dont blame her though.. she has so many things on her mind, so many guys in her life... so many anniversary days to remember.. there's DR, XR, Charles, Steve, and whoever whoever... i'm just a nobody.. y would she even bother to remember haha...

I tink i am just a close fren to her.. i dunno.. soneone whom she can talk to freely.. so that she no need to keep her thoughts all inside her mind... but i know i can never grab her heart...
I dunno y i love her so deep so much... i really have no idea...

No1 really understands my position. i really dunno.. sometimes she treats me nice... sometiems she treats me bad..
i realise i am already in a very fortunate position already.. for her to bare her heart to me.. talk about her family, her frens, her suitors.. all the guys in her life... yea sometimes it hurts to know what they do.. but it's still a position where many ppl will admire.. even peng doesn't have that privilege..

i really dunno if she likes me at all or just treat me like a close fren who she can bear her heart to..

I've got a new nickname... 24 Filial Dog. I dunno what to say.. Infront of my frens & colleagues, i have no pride at all... Lv999 Wee Chee Mong Kok.. but it's ok... I can drop every single 1 of my frens just for her..
Does pride really matters in love? I've been to buy cosmetics.. nail polish.. hair shampoo.. nail art.. watever watever, drawing curious looks from the sales staff. Bleahs heck care...
I've eaten parsley.. eaten spring onions.. just to make her laugh... made a complete fool of myself infront of her.. so that she can just laugh out..

last friday.. kanna shoot by my 2 best buds until i buey lim chu... but it's true that i'm an asshole.. we've known each other for like 8years.. I can just drop them so easily.. and even threaten to fight with them if they ever badmouth her.. and pangseh them everytime she wants to meet me...

just now... her phone no batt... she asked me if i had a spare phone.. so i was gonna go there and pass her my phone.. w/o any qualms.. so i took the mrt.. yea i was late cos had a little quarrel with my parents.. i was going out so late somemore i still tried to borrow money from my mum again.. was quite late in reaching there...
told her i was reaching then she said she tell the lionel that she pass me something...

As i reached orchard.. she sms me the words: : "I go off le".. my smile dropped...
Called her immediately.. she said she had already left orchard.. just 5 more mins she also didn't wait... cant blame her also.. she hates waiting for people... then she wait quite long already.. then the lionel must had been pestering her to go off with him..

my heart really dropped... i dunno what to say i dunno what to do.. i felt like an idiot.. y the hell i go find a phone.. charge it and then rush to fareast just to pass to her.. only to reach there to find her gone with another guy. Stupid me still alighted at orchard mrt, walked to fareast, go inside walk 1 round before making my way home.

I dunno what to say.. Yea this lionel guy is very gentlemen, very handsome, very tall and rich.. he got the perfume and height of DR.. then the steve today very nice also.. gentlemen.. very generous.. and never touch her also..
& what have i done?? Nothing. Nothing except to make her wait for 30mins @ fareast..
I deserved to be left alone at fareast..

Had to control my tears all the way home.. reach home... i admit i was weak.. dropped afew tears.. but i managed to pull it back.
I told myself i should never cry... but this time my heart really broke into pieces...
It made me realise that I'm such a poor guy... i cant even take care of her.. i cant buy her nice stuff.. no car to send her around... cant pei her when she is stressed.

I am a complete failure... I dont even deserve her love at all..
I cant care for her.. cant be there for her.. cant do anything for her also..
I only managed to add more stress more trouble for her...

Wo mei yong...

waiting for you