_______________Only those who never gives up gets to see a miracle______

Monday, June 22, 2009
6/22/2009 02:08:00 AM

I feel so sad. I feel so emo.

Today, I really didn't feel like talking at all.. Just like the me 1-2yrs ago.
So i just kept quiet..

Peng said i spoke less than 5 sentences today...

I have this question on my mind...

Last time was "Where do I stand?"

But right now... I just wanna ask her... "Am I still your boyfriend? Is our relationship still valid?"
I cant bring myself to ask her... I'm afraid of the answer...
Furthermore, this will only add stress to her.. burden her with more stress..
This question will only put her in a spot.

I can cope with this alone.. no need to add on to hers...
I'll be the 1 who is sad over this relationship...

3 more days... 3 more days will be our 1st mth... dunno if she remembers...

** SaD **
-Listening to repeats of Li Jiu Zhe - Bu Wan Mei-

waiting for you

Sunday, June 21, 2009
6/21/2009 05:50:00 PM

Found it was a mistake.. she mistook me for another person...

But now... more problems have surfaced...

i dunno how to say it..

I'll always be there to support her decision.. I'll advise, I'll guide... but ultimately it's her decision..
No matter what it is.. i will always stand behind her decision. Always...

waiting for you

Monday, June 15, 2009
6/15/2009 02:09:00 PM

Today is a sad day...

She's having a fever right now.. she just recover not long ago now she sick again...
Then her sister back pain unable to take care of her..

And they have no lunch and noone to take care of them..

Thought they needed someone to take care of them...
Couldn't ask gary for leave... so i went above him direct to anthony.
Basically i panicked... All that was in my mind was just to get to them, get lunch for them & take care of them.. especially her.. i dont even care how much work i had in office..

Lucky anton damn understanding.. he spoke to gary on my behalf and approved me leaving...
And i couldn't even give him a time when i could come back to office..

Dun care me broke... jitao rush cab to jurong.. ask uncle drive faster faster...
At Lornie Rd.. bcos the uncle drive abit fast.. almost kanna accident... car infront suddenly brake.. heng the uncle jam the brakes hard enough.. the brakes screech damn loud... stop just nice... less than afew cm from the front car..

Reached jurong le.. went to draw cash.. saw the time... 10.55 already... faster ciong to Mac buy macbreakfast for her sister. then ciong to buy fish porridge for her.. though she no appetite.. dun care just buy for her lor..
tink i opened my knee wound again.. hurting now..

reached her house at 11.07am... sweating.. cos i fastwalk/jog to buy food and go her house..
Her sis opened the door.. i went in.. tinking that i today take care of them...

Went into her room... ask her how is she...
The moment she saw me... she just screamed for me to get out...
and scold her sister y let me into the house...

At that point... my heart was shattered to pieces...
After all i did.. all i got was a...

I really really felt like an idiot at that point of time..
Y was i so kancheong and rushing all the way from lorong chuan to jurong?
Y did i panic in office?

I am not a gd boyfriend..
When she is sick she doesnt even want to see me at all..
I cant even gain her basic trust..

I finally realised where i stand..
What to do.. gotta know my own standard... reach this current position already considered tyco le...

Right now I just hope she recovers asap.. she has suffered enough recently.. Pls god dun let her suffer anymore.. I'll take her place instead.. just put all the sickness on me...

*** Heart-Broken ***

waiting for you

Thursday, June 11, 2009
6/11/2009 11:32:00 PM

The backstabbing has begun.. lucky we had a very short private moment together and we realised that he was the middle person making the misunderstanding...

It is true.. one can resort to anything despicable when it comes to love..
Hope i can gain a foothold in her heart before he kills me off..

Met sister just now... had a short talk... she advise me to put career 1st instead of love...
but i know she also is afraid to commit into love..

Me? I'm afraid too.. I'm really in too deep.. I gave out my heart already.. the full 100%..
Never one day did i not have my phone beside me.. waiting for that 1sec miss call or that sms..
My phone practically exists just for her...

I may never recover from this hurt if she leaves me..
I know I'll be just a passing cloud past her borderless sky..
All the things I've done for her, every other guy can do so too.. and do it better..

She'll most probably totally forget about me in 3-6mths...
But the hurt she leaves will stay with me forever & forever.

I dunno.. I am really scared...
I got no looks, no money, no brain.
The only thing i have that i can give to her is my heart... which alot other guys can and have done so too...

Sometimes i feel i'm something in her heart.. yet sometimes i feel i'm just nothing..
It's a super big rollercoaster ride...

I know she can see right through me.. and she knows i'm most probably tinking too much again..
So she'll always gimme miss calls to let me know that she's free for a chat.
Or even when she's not free, she'll still make the effort & time to have a short talk with me..

Really touched...
U know.. to get the attention of a girl like her... is harder than getting to heaven..
I wish i could be just 24/7 next to her, talking to her, looking at her...
Yet.. i dont even have the courage to call her out of my own accord, hold her hand, give her a hug etc...
To me, she is just that angel from above.. So.. unique so special.. so beautiful.. so out of this world..

I'm really privileged.. to get into her inner circle.. and now, her bf, though it's never announced.
I dont mind though.. I'm already in a position that many many men have tried and failed...
It's even more than winning top prize in toto. It's simply priceless.

But one day, I truly hope that I can announce loudly to the world, that she is MY GF. that i can hold her hand in public. and wear our couple rings together just like every other couple.
To be able to be with her throughout her happy days her sad days her emo days her troubled days.. till the day she parts this world.

I just wanna say... I love you dear. I really really do.. No matter how long this relationship can last.. I will never ever forget the days I've spent with u..

I love you...
To be able to be your bf even though it's never announced, is the best thing that ever happened to me.

waiting for you

Wednesday, June 10, 2009
6/10/2009 08:51:00 PM

So far has been so good ba....

all has been rather peaceful ba...

Am even more broke than ever...

struggling to pay debts... have hardly 500 bucks inside bank account now...

But the gd thing is, I'm getting closer & closer to her... that's what i feel.. or rather.. she is paying more & more attention to me already...

was really really touched that just bcos i dont like it, she rather let her mum scold than ask that asshole..
She thought of my feelings even though she was super duper tired & pissed.
really really super touched. no1 has even done that for me... and for her to do it... really super unexpected...

really really super touched...

waiting for you