_______________Only those who never gives up gets to see a miracle______

Friday, February 10, 2006
2/10/2006 06:05:00 PM

It's friday again...

1st of all, I would like to apologise to a person, u know who u are. I've failed to change my tinking. I've become even more pessimistic le.. Sorry I broke my promise.. I've tried my best..

As I left for home today, on the bus, I thought for abit of time before I eventually fell asleep on the bus..
I dun tink I am able to blend into the squadron life.. Feeling more & more sian in life.. Felt like I was just wasting my own time in the squadron.. everyday zhuo bo zhuo bo.. I'm just an unimportant person in the squadron, the newest guy, lowest rank, most noob person. In outside life, I am just another insignificant person. Some may say I have alot of friends, but that is only superficial.. in actual fact i dont have alot of frens which i can talk to.. maybe because nobody talks to me much since young, I've gotten this personality of being very chatty.. Since people dun engage me in conversation, I take the initiative to engage them in conversations.

However, as I got older, I found that, as much as I want to speak with people, I did not have much topics to talk about... So, I talked less & less. I started keeping to myself.. developing a "couldn't care less, happy-go-lucky" attitude. Every problem that developed I tried to solve by myself. Everything that i wished to voice out went back in. I was like a gas cylinder.. taking in more & more gas, compressing the existing gas, pressure building up..

Sometimes I do get stressed to the point where I really feel like banging my head into a wall, if the action will ease my stress.. How much I longed for someone who would listen to my problems..

Now.. Serving National Service wor! Still sian.. My mindset, i tink, is stuck on the pessimistic side already. It's like unrecoverable. I just cant stop tinking those negative stuff. I noticed that I dun smile that much as I used to... Have I changed? Have I really changed or have I never displayed this side of me before?

PS: No this is not a suicide note & I'm not going to kill myself. I only feel that I am worthless & insignificant. That's all.

waiting for you

ME

Name: Junwen
Bday: 25th Oct 1985
Age: 22
Horoscope: Scorpio
Sex: Male (Duh ._.)
Job: Network Engineer
Fav color: Blue!
FAv mUsIc: anything that's nice (prefer soothing music)
FAv FoOd: Peking Duck, Chilli, Lettuce w/ mayonnise, Brocolli, Root Beer, Kikapo Joy Juice, Mango Juice, Orange Juice
Bad Pts: Nerd, Stupid, small brain, Short, dumb, idiot, unsensitive, useless, wooden block, pessimistic, big mouth (more to come)
Gd Pts: For people to find out! But i tink dun have any la.
Characteristics: Talkative, ~~always smiling~~, dunno directions, pro in sleeping at anywhere, blur