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Monday, February 27, 2006
2/27/2006 10:30:00 PM
Sigh... I feel so sian again..
I feel.. so useless...
I dun feel I can click with the people in my squadron.. feel so far away from them.. but I like doing what I'm supposed to do... That's the only thing I like.. I dunno y.. I actually ENJOY doing the work I'm supposed to do.. Strange huh? I dunno y... i just like doing work.. Maybe it's bcos they keep me focussed and busy.. so that i wont tink of other stuff & there is no need to entertain people.. When people see I'm actually busy doing stuff, they'll ask the other aos to do their stuff. So I'm generally left alone & undisturbed..
Being alone & undisturbed has its ups & downs. At least noone bothers u at all.. u are left there to do watever u were supposed to do...
Sorry I'm useless. Just plain useless. Cant do anything w/o making mistakes. Cant find my way around Singapore. Cant make simple decisions. Cant do anything.. bleahs..
Signed Off,
Junwen the moody one today.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
2/26/2006 11:50:00 PM
Bored Bored Bored..
that's all i can say..
Sometimes when i go tink about life in my squadron, i find that quite zhuo bo... Now after detachment.. now less things to do.. so we all quite free.. meanwhile with 2 people going to ord though, current strength of aos is still 5.. with 1 or 2 coming very soon. Currently with 5 of us around, most of us are really sitting there zhuo bo.. nowhere to go.. so sit in ops room relac.. THEN.. got people really nothing to do.. go and stir shit.. say we getting too relac.. nothing to do... etc etc. i mean like.. WHAT U EXPECT US TO DO? GO UPSTAIRS RELAX U ALL KP US SO FREE. STAY IN OPS ROOM U ALL STILL KP US. if u see us too relax, then give us stuff to do lo!! and i dun mean those shit jobs thanx. =/
2 people gonna clear leave starting march.. so.. 3 left.. but this or next wk, we can expect 1-2 more.. so i guess.. gonna zhuo bo again and again....
really tinking of going learn driving.. very very interested to learn.. everytime sit in car.. will look at how the driver drive.. can say really very tempted.. but $$$ wise.. i should have just enough for me to get a liscense.. but one ought to save for a rainy day.. not sure leh... sighh...
Monday, February 20, 2006
2/20/2006 06:58:00 PM
Sia laaaa... today rt xiong...
apparently the pti today not very happy.. run to 2.4 road, then run 2.4..
after that he say HE NOT HAPPY. WANT US TO TRAIN SPRINT! ho saee... sprint 800m twice.. sibei shagg ahh.. leg muscle sibei pain.. dunno wat is the name of that muscle.. i stretch liao.. still hurts.... walk stairs even lagi best.... sweeee... today finally buay tahan take taxi home..
S$6.50~ Sher Chi ah!!! hais....
Okayy... enough of the grumbling and mumbling.. talk about something else I saw on the mrt yesterday..
Have you ever seen how beautiful clouds are?
They are so serene.. yet fearful when their anger is unleashed..
They have the purest of white.. yet can be the darkest of gray..
They are ever-present & ever-moving.. they move slowly slowly.. but never stopping...
They are so special and beautiful...
It calms the mind when you look the the beautiful clouds...
Sunday, February 19, 2006
2/19/2006 01:00:00 PM
Yay~ finally can post new post le...
I tink I screwed my blogskin de code le..
that's y cannot post new 1..
so I accepted my fren's suggestion and changed to a new blogskin instead.
this 1 nice hor? Mayb will have some bugs or some errors. still fixing lol ^^
Friday, February 17, 2006
2/17/2006 12:02:00 AM
Same time again.. i seem to always blog at this time of the day. err.. nite.. mayb that's bcos noone chats with me at this time of the morning..
Sian.. nowadays sibei no life.. i tink i need to find some vcds to watch.. have to borrow vcd from fren then watch... 1st busy week.. sibei shag.. Monday, Wednesday, Friday RT. Thursday IPPT. This week has only started for 1week only. And I'm already very sian... My leg muscles are really starting to hurt.. i tink soon gonna muscle tear liao.. sibei pain.. LUN~~
Nowadays at the squadron, I just do my part.. I no longer very enthu le.. buay tahan ah... more enthnu = more work. do more work = more chance kanna scold. u free help people do their work, if got wrong, they scold u back. lame logic. u help them do they dun even thank you, do correct is their effort, do wrong is u kanna. sua sua sua. i just do my own work.. do it gd can le.. i also not that much energy to do more work.. mon,wed,fri rt after work very shag liao.. Everything heck care...
live life as it goes ba.. see how i cope along with the added running schedules.. then when i get used to the gruelling life, then i start to plan ahead.. now too early to plan ahead yet.. later jio ppl go out yet i tired =/
I'm so lonely wor... none talks to me.. noone go out with me.. (ok.. go out also dunno do wat lol..)
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
2/14/2006 06:34:00 AM
Today is Valentine's Day.. That's a total of 20years of lonely Valentine's Day....
BUT! I will be optimistic! (-.=!!)
No matter how sian I will be, how jealous I will be when I see lovey dopey lovers... I shall endure..
cos I know One Day, mine will come.. perhaps she has already arrived..
好想你.. 明知你看不到华语, 但还是用华语写.. 真的很想你..
Wish all lovers out there, Happy Valentines Day... May you all stay together till marriage and beyond. Dun make a mistake and give up on everything you've had.
Monday, February 13, 2006
2/13/2006 12:00:00 AM
After some consideration, I have finally sorted out my thoughts! I've decided! I SHALL NO LONGER BE SAD OR PESSIMISTIC. This was not the original me! I shall be optimistic! I shall overcome all problems! NOTHING CAN DAUNT ME. I AM INVINCIBLE! err... just joking bout the invincible part hehe.
HaPpY HaPpY mE~ I will be back to what I was originally, only more matured. Ok.. bout the matured part, I'll try. Born not too mature i guess ^^!
anyway, congrats to all those who scored well in Os. Those score not well up to expectations 1, nvm de. make do with what u have or retake Os lo. ^^
(I have so many frens who score until so gd marks that I'm ashamed of my own results...)
New Quote:
Time passes along with Age.
Why waste on sadness?
You may give up on yourself,
but does the people around you give up on you too?
Live not for yourself,
Instead, Live for others.
Make the world a better place for others.
Friday, February 10, 2006
2/10/2006 06:05:00 PM
It's friday again...
1st of all, I would like to apologise to a person, u know who u are. I've failed to change my tinking. I've become even more pessimistic le.. Sorry I broke my promise.. I've tried my best..
As I left for home today, on the bus, I thought for abit of time before I eventually fell asleep on the bus..
I dun tink I am able to blend into the squadron life.. Feeling more & more sian in life.. Felt like I was just wasting my own time in the squadron.. everyday zhuo bo zhuo bo.. I'm just an unimportant person in the squadron, the newest guy, lowest rank, most noob person. In outside life, I am just another insignificant person. Some may say I have alot of friends, but that is only superficial.. in actual fact i dont have alot of frens which i can talk to.. maybe because nobody talks to me much since young, I've gotten this personality of being very chatty.. Since people dun engage me in conversation, I take the initiative to engage them in conversations.
However, as I got older, I found that, as much as I want to speak with people, I did not have much topics to talk about... So, I talked less & less. I started keeping to myself.. developing a "couldn't care less, happy-go-lucky" attitude. Every problem that developed I tried to solve by myself. Everything that i wished to voice out went back in. I was like a gas cylinder.. taking in more & more gas, compressing the existing gas, pressure building up..
Sometimes I do get stressed to the point where I really feel like banging my head into a wall, if the action will ease my stress.. How much I longed for someone who would listen to my problems..
Now.. Serving National Service wor! Still sian.. My mindset, i tink, is stuck on the pessimistic side already. It's like unrecoverable. I just cant stop tinking those negative stuff. I noticed that I dun smile that much as I used to... Have I changed? Have I really changed or have I never displayed this side of me before?
PS: No this is not a suicide note & I'm not going to kill myself. I only feel that I am worthless & insignificant. That's all.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
2/08/2006 12:02:00 AM
!!! It's 12am le lol... so should i say now as Tuesday or Wednesday? hahaz... i also dunno.. so sian sia.. i wanna find a life~~ Gaming is not my life~ It used to be part of my life! It aint supposed to be my life! hahaz.. went on a downloading spree just now.. now got quite abit *new* songs.
I like Jay's Huo Yuan Jia. He sing like dunno sing simi thing lai eh.. but when u listen afew more times, u feel like got abit sense lidat.. Yang Chen Lin Rainie de songs also not bad sia... Will include lyrics of the song in future posts lol.
Sly's Suo Yi not bad sia... but I am referring to the lyrics.. very meaningful.. anyone have the mp3?? can send to me??
I'm looking for another song "Heaven Knows". This song i heard on online radio and found it really really nice sia... If you all have it, pls send to me...
Ok I should be going to rest soon after I listen finish this song.....
Recall coming soon ah!!! got rumour is in the wee hours. ho sae liaoz.... buay sai koon..
Monday, February 06, 2006
2/06/2006 06:15:00 AM
Nearly 1 week since I've blogged..
was too tired and sian to blog hehe..
I also dunno what to blog also.. many thoughts many feelings.. all dunno how to express in words.. some hopes and thoughts that i really wish to voice out but i dont wanna blog about it cos they have become a secret of mine..
hmmm... let's see.. what happened during the past week? actually nothing much. wednesday work, thursday work, friday work. saturday zuo bo at home.. play game watch tv.. yesterday slept till 2pm and miss "Making of Fearless" and went housewarming in the evening. at nite continue play game and koon...
really like no life huh.. lol....
(I'll work on find more quotes. If not, I'll make my own. Simple hehe)
My cousin part 2. lolx
Quote:
"It's loving that someone special,That at one time made you smile.It's the pain of losing that person,But the memories that make it worthwhile."
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
2/01/2006 12:01:00 AM
Today went to watch Fearless, Huo Yuan Jia. The show is not bad sia.. But only the fighting parts nice... they fight till so fast.. kua bo ar!! the part where he sad sad very the sian. can see until sleep.. then ending quite okok.. cos when he die, the crowd was chanting "Huo Yuan Jia! Huo Yuan Jia! Huo Yuan Jia! " Very awe-inspiring.
On a sadder note, I've noticed I'm becoming more & more pessimistic. my mood has been going downhill.. As much as I try to remain "happy", I dun seem to succeed much.. Those who have seen me happy and very chatty, I tink I'm deluding myself from the sadness that i feel. I cant stop myself from being sad. I dunno how to be happy myself also. But i want people around me to be happy. Give me all the sadness in the world ba! may the people around me be happy! may i be the only one who is sad.. let me be the only one whose heart is in pieces.
If you tink i am very sad and wanna console me, pls be happy. that will console me. Perhaps find me for chatting when u're bored or simply too free, then ill retreat back into my world of solitude again. I tink I'm destined to be a lonely guy forever le. but dun worry, i dun tink i will become a monk. lol... i dun have enough buddha in my heart. hehehe
PS: Everyone pls be happy. cos one minute of sadness = one minute of happiness gone forever. dun bother about me. i dun practise what i preach.
Quote:
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more thanonce and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much,and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."
